Jan 14, 2011

slept in my jeans too many times

slept in my jeans too many times to change into PJs and be comfortable.

seriously, I pulled my cut-off jeans from the wardrobe on purpose...and put them on after my evening shower...
because I used to sleep in those shorts in africa. Usually I was too tired or maybe too cold or my feet were too dirty to change into "clean" PJs...
and I like those jeans...they were washed so many times that they are pretty soft and snuggly and great for late-night dreaming about falling asleep on top-bunk somewhere in the middle of africa

you know how it is sometimes when you are sick? - it's getting worse every second but you can tell yourself you're fine and keep up with life as it is? but you can do that for just precisely determined period of time and then suddenly everything falls apart like a card house?

that's pretty much the point where my life is hanging (off the cliff I'd say) right now.

I've been homesick for almost two years and telling myself it will get better with time (as when you tell yourself you can walk through the flu but you really can't) and instead of feeling better every day I felt worse and worse and now it seems like there's literally no choice.

sleeping in cut-off jeans doesn't help anymore, neither does tea with excess amount of sugar and milk or walking barefoot around the house all winter.

and now I'd just sit on my bed (disgustingly soft fluffy bed - if you ask me) and stare in front of me seeing my kids going to school every morning...and I wonder...

would it be too bad to be selfish for once and pack my backpack and go, just leave everything for now and go home?


  1. What you are saying makes me want very strongly to experience something similar...work with kiddos, help and forget every tiny banality which our society classifies as "problems", just leave it here and go for a different mode of existence... I just don´t know if I am courageous enough to do it by myself, decide and go, alone...